The Bride Who Didn’t Show Up!

The bride who did't show up

I attended an event hosted by Avenues To Wealth (which I’m a part of) about two years ago and the Real Estate Investor, Dolf De Roos was speaking. He said many things worth remembering but this one stood out: “The only failure in life is the failure to participate”

We could spend the next 24 hours arguing about the accuracy of that statement but I’d rather focus on the key thought-If you participate, you may or may not win but if you don’t participate, you are bound to fail.

You may have heard stories of that bride who didn’t show up on her wedding day.

After all her emotional and financial investments; after all her countless conversations with family members, bridesmaids and wedding planners; after several months of planning, preparing and positioning herself for her wedding day, she decided that she was not ready; that something didn’t FEEL right; that she needed more time to work out a few issues. That may seem to be a form of cowardice.
This bride has had her share of bashing.

People say things like “What was she thinking before?”

“Didn’t she know all that before”

“Someone must have cast a spell on her”

“An enemy has done this!”

Most people become inflamed with anger when the bride doesn’t show up- especially the “stakeholders”- family and friends.

I understand that but if we take a closer look, may be we will realise that her not showing up was not a form of cowardice but an uncommon display of bravery- being strong enough to admit that she was not strong enough to go on…being bold enough to say that she was scared… being honest enough to admit that she hadn’t been honest enough. Maybe her decision was not a form of fear but a form of faith that what seemed like a dumb decision was actually her wisest decision ever.

That may not always be the case but it is in many cases.

However you interpret that, I’d like you to consider this-the real coward is not the bride that doesn’t show up on the wedding day.
The real coward is the bride who turns up looking every inch a goddess- sleek hair, supple skin, glowing lips, dazzling visage, gorgeous gown yet DOESN’T SHOW UP in the marriage.

She says the vows and possibly even sheds a tear- overwhelmed by the grandeur of her wedding yet she doesn’t show up as a wife who caters to her husband and assists him to create an unbelievably fulfilling life for them and their children. She shows up as a fashion model on the wedding day but doesn’t show up as a model of faith, faithfulness and fortitude in the marriage.

I mean no disrespect but this bride is more of a coward than the first bride.

Life is more than the glitz and glamour of a single day. It’s about growing through the grind of daily demands.

Please understand that while you can apply this in a literal sense, I use it as a metaphor. It’s not just a message for the ladies. It is a message to men also- single and married.

It is a call to commitment.

It’s not enough to sign up as a volunteer, show up to do the work.

It’s not enough to launch your new product, show up to market it.

It’s not enough to record the demo, show up in the studio again and again until you have a complete album. Then get copies of it into as many networks as you can.

Smile when you have the outline for your first book or first speech but don’t be a runaway bride (or writer), see it through.

Don’t just become “BORN AGAIN’. That’s a good start but start growing in grace- meditating on the word and developing strong bonds of faith with other believers.

It is better to reconsider and reconsolidate than to dive in with excitement without following through with commitment.

I hope you find this useful.

Don’t keep it to yourself. Share the link with your friends and contacts on FACEBOOK, TWITTER, BLACKBERRY and all your other social network platforms.

Just before you do that, leave your comments, questions and stories in the box below and I’d reply/respond personally. Thanks 🙂

48 thoughts on “The Bride Who Didn’t Show Up!

  1. Well expressed, many thanks for sharing. my most striking line “It is better to reconsider and reconsolidate than to dive in with excitement without following through with commitment”.

    More Grace. Cheers!!

  2. Thanks for sharing this piece, starting sometimes is not the hard part, its goin thru d hiccups, d discouragement, d helpless situations and still pushing through. Bravery sometimes like dt story is not the obvious steps we take dt comes with all the support but d ones where we have no one to back us up.

    Again thanks for sharing.

  3. God bless you.I really appreciate what you are doing.
    Its not all about the bride not showing up but what next.You have made them realised how they fail to complete their daily duties but what it is the way out.The courage,the strength,the faith to carry on even if they do not meet the targets.Its not just you must work,but keep on at it,don’t give up because there will be obstacles and how the obstacles can be conquered.
    Thank you.

  4. quite an insight! but can you tell us how to turn our encounters into experiences so we can see whatever we start through

  5. This is an interesting and yet challenging piece. “It’s not enough to sign up as a volunteer, show up to do the work”. We need to consider our willingness and ability to commit before we say “yes” to any venture. Thanks for sharing.

  6. Really thought provoking. Thank you for sharing this with us. Our involvement in whatever we sign up for should be total and thorough.

  7. Beautiful piece Pst dami-counting the cost before embarking on a project so as to give the project all it needs to be successful.

  8. “Don’t just become “BORN AGAIN’. That’s a good start but start growing in grace- meditating on the word and developing strong bonds of faith with other believers.” Wow!!!dt rlly made alot of sense Pastor Dami,God’s grace shall continue to abide wt u IJN,Amen.

  9. WOW! Thought provoking, astounding, intriguing but above all a honest expose of the core of our most secret personae. Three great lessons i am taking away from this:
    1. I actually can be naked before God and not ashamed.
    2. Vulnerability most of the time is not necessarily a sign of weakness but of uncommon strength.
    3. Beyond the paparazzi, what matters is not just starting or staying the course but remaining true to it all the way.
    You have added a priceless insight to me as God prepares me daily to be the Proverbs 31 woman, a hallowed vessel of uncommon grace, virtue, love and service, a woman whose works shall praise her at the gates, I’ll keep this in remembrance. Thank you Dami, May that grace of God that makes a man succeed without struggle continually be the hallmark of your life IJN.

  10. What an Awesome piece! showing up for life is only half the job. A courageous life is defined by an active involvement in the processes of life thus determining the outcome at the end of the day. Keep up the good work sir!

    1. Thanks Lizzy. I’m honored by your comment. I have a BSc in Chemical Engineering from the University of Lagos but I try to learn a bit about every field especially when I perceive that it is key to my lifelong assignment.Thanks again.

  11. This is a great piece Pas. Dami, it’s a blessing to me in particular and it’s really timely too. Thanks for sharing, receive more grace!

  12. Pst Dami ur indeed a prolific thinker, ur whole thought process and how u coin out and communicae ur reasoning is remarkably outstanding. Ur a blessing to my life and indeed dis generation is fortunate to have u.

  13. Excellent piece, Pastor Dami! I have been that bride who didn’t show up – literally. Four days to the traditional marriage, I found out some information my fiancé at the time had selectively kept hidden, a child I didn’t know about and an angry jilted bride I also didn’t know about. It was a heavy decision, arrangements were in place, but I chose to walk away and my parents supported me. There are few things I am more grateful for, than for the God-given courage to walk away from what would have been a sham of a marriage!

    Moving forward, I love this part of the message – “It’s not enough to sign up as a volunteer, show up to do the work.” So many of us, moved by all sorts of motives, including good intentions, have turned into serial volunteers. We sign up for various volunteer activities in church or commit to do something at work when we simply do not have the time or resources to fulfil these obligations. Sometimes we suffer burnout when we push to fulfil them. Thanks for pointing out that it takes courage to know when to say no, best intentions and all.

    Thanks, Pastor! And yes, I will share this!

  14. @Pastor D. Your write up is as complete as a sure word. I see every endeavour in life as project….definite start and finish, with the right scope at the right cost. If we truly take deep foresight and count the cost of our life endeavours, including opportunity cost; only then can we have the clarity of purpose in our ventures. I hope we see soon. Best wishes.

    1. @Chinedum. I hear you. It is vital to count the cost. Most people don’t so they eventually stop midway- which is not necessarily a bad thing-if only they take out time to count the cost of stopping midway. God help us all. Amen. It will be great to see you too.

  15. Nice and inspiring! Good job brother. BTW what was the original name….Fatoyinbo? Omotoyinbo? Oguntoyinbo? The first is mine!

  16. Wow! This is really a nice piece, its actually very inspiring. @least 2 a very large xtent am convinced dat its not jst about getting married neither is it abt how old one is. “Life is much more than d glitz and glamour of a single day”,I soo luv dat statemt. Tnx soo much 4 dis. God will continue 2 inrease u in knowledge and understanding. Kip up d good work

  17. God bless you sir,this is a very important thing in this generation because some of us don’t count the cost. And this leads to a question. How far are you ready to go? We do some things out of convenience and not out of commitment.

  18. Pastor I must confess that you drew a good a very good example from the story of the bride who never showed up on her wedding day to drive your point home, thanks may you be refilled, Amen

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